The Fifth Week of Easter: From FEAR to BELOVED

STEP ONE: BREATHE

Take a deep, cleansing breath. Allow the air to fill your lungs and expand your body. Exhale and empty yourself into the room. Repeat three times - once for the one who Created you, once for the Incarnate One who walks beside you, and once for the Spirit whose life fills your being.

STEP TWO: DWELL IN WORD

“But when Simon Peter saw it, he fell down at Jesus’ knees, saying, “Go away from me, Lord, for I am a sinful man!” For he and all who were with him were amazed at the catch of fish that they had taken; and so also were James and John, sons of Zebedee, who were partners with Simon. Then Jesus said to Simon, “Do not be afraid; from now on you will be catching people.” When they had brought their boats to shore, they left everything and followed him.”
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— Luke 5: 9-11

A Jesus-Story Retold: After the good news “fear not”

What have I done?

I was ravenous while we were cleaning the nets. I couldn’t believe it when, just a few feet from finishing our task, Peter decided to take the boat out with that preacher in it. Listening to him talk I thought about skinning one of our fish and eating it raw as he spoke, but we already didn’t have enough fish to justify the long night of work we had put in. Then when Peter put down the net that we had just cleaned, I thought about skinning and eating HIM. But the fish we caught…that net full to bursting…both our boats sinking under the weight of so many fish…I just couldn’t believe it!

Now, sitting at the table with a meal finally in front of me, I can’t eat. I just keep going over and over in my mind what we have done. We left everything at the lakeshore. The boat – dad’s boat – just pulled it up on the shore and left it there. I remember going out on the lake for the first time in that boat. Dad taught me all about the sea – how to read the waves and the sky to know when trouble was brewing, how to find the fish, how to catch them and bring them in, how to clean and care for all our fishing tackle. How ashamed he would be to have seen it all laying there on the shore – nets unclean, ropes uncoiled, fish spoiling in the sun.

We just left it there. We followed this Jesus all day long. Worked all night, walked all day, no food, and now when there is finally time to eat and rest, I can’t. All I can do is look out my window at the sea and think about what happens next. I am a fisherman – it’s who I was born to be. I know every sparkle of the sunset that glitters off every wave on the surface. But my boat is gone. How can I be a fisherman without a boat?

“From now on you will be catching people.”

It’s a great thought, Jesus, but I don’t know anything about people. I know about fish. I know how to locate their schools, I know how deep to set the nets, I know how to get them into the boat. I can clean a fish faster than most men can take a piss. (I suppose I can’t say things like that anymore). But, none of that matters now.

I no longer catch fish.

Apparently now I catch people…whatever that means.

Damn my rash nature! (Probably better stop saying that too.) Our whole family has been known to leap before we look – John and I even more than most. Now we have walked away from our livelihood – the only thing we know that can make us money. We don’t have much of an education. I barely made it through Synagogue school. I was so glad to get out of school and on the sea. How am I going to be a student of this Jesus? He probably wouldn’t have called me if he knew what my Torah teacher knew – he thought I was so thick! What if this Jesus thinks the same?

I am not fit for this. The world just changed around me and I don’t know who I even am in the midst of this. Nothing I have experienced makes me ready for this, and actually many of my experiences say I am definitely NOT ready for this work. But the deed is done. The boat is gone, the nets with it.

I am no longer a fisherman.

What I will be remains to be seen.

STEP THREE: PRAY

Creator God, you knit us together to be exactly who you want us to be. Often our vision of ourselves is very narrow, and we tend to be better at seeing what we cannot do than what we can. Help us to see ourselves through your eyes, to know that, even when the world changes around us, you are with us still, and the peace that comes from knowing that we are yours, no matter what else we are or are not. Amen.

Today’s devotion is by Pastor Amanda Applehans