![54DE91F5-F5BC-449C-A443-5B0497776D40[1].png](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5661ba24e4b054281a2bfd6f/1563978977288-XY0511G2TIQW004MDZ61/54DE91F5-F5BC-449C-A443-5B0497776D40%5B1%5D.png)
From the new book Lighting Your Way, With Love
It didn't take a skilled pastoral listener to perceive the agony and anguish in his soul. Although it was almost twenty-five years ago, I can clearly see the nervous wringing of his hands as he sat before me. How could I forget? It was a few months into my pastoral internship in Utica, New York. "Wet behind the ears" doesn't fully capture my inexperience, both in matters of life and spirit; I was twenty-four years old and had only five semesters of seminary training. I had no prior—or subsequent—contact with the middle-aged man who sat opposite me on a folding chair in my closet-sized office, but he left an indelible impression.
He was in full spiritual crisis. Despite his multiple efforts at denial and restraint, he couldn't escape his secret identity. The Christian community where he worshipped, where he felt loved and had close friends, labeled homosexuality as an abomination, a sin above all sins, a cause of shame, and grounds for immediate dismissal. What was he to do? If only they knew, his friends would undoubtedly shun him.
To make matters worse, I found out through gentle questioning that in his heart he agreed with the judgment of his church. Based on his rigid interpretation of a few verses of an ancient holiness code (which, by the way, also abolished the eating of shrimp), God damned his sexual orientation to eternal punishment. So fixed on God's wrath and sternness was this tormented soul's working theology that grace, forgiveness, and love were unavailable to him.
As I sat across from him, my working theology wasn't much better. It would be years before I would uncover a critical aspect of God's nature—the theological concept of hesed—and place it at the heart of my pastoral care and the center of my life of faith.
Hesed is a Hebrew word that appears 248 times in the Bible that Jesus read. You can translate it in a variety of ways, including great mercy, kindness, loving kindness, and even goodness. It bears a sense of eager and ardent desire or zeal. Hesed is used to describe the relationships between people. It can also define the connection between God and people. Hesed is mutually beneficial and filled with grace or favor.
Time and again we read in scripture (especially in the book of Psalms) that hesed is part of God's nature. God is full of mercy, goodness, grace, and loving kindness. Hesed is how God relates to us and all of God’s broken creation. What is more, God's hesed is a passionate endeavor. God keeps at it, despite the unfaithfulness and lack of hesed on the part of humanity.
We find numerous examples of hesed illustrated in the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus. Jesus is all about compassion, grace, generosity, acceptance, and hospitality. All these attributes emerge from and are supported by Jesus's application of hesed.
When you put hesed at the center of your working theology, something incredible happens. It causes the brimstone and frightening ideas about God to fade. In their place emerges a compassionate God who is madly in love with creation. "The LORD is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love (Psalm 145:8)." God is full of hesed, not anger, judgment, or hatred.
Further, God is not out to get us, waiting for us to slip up or fail. Instead, God is ever-present to support, guide, comfort, and love us. Our proper response is not anxious fear but grateful adoration.
When hesed defines God's identity in your working theology, you gain the freedom to love without needing to worry about whether you are getting it right. You are free to be the person God created you to be, without trying to contort yourself into a box that deforms, limits, shames, and disregards. It is not a license to do whatever you want. Rather, it is an invitation to engage in acts of loving kindness and mercy of your own.
Perhaps the most profound examples of hesed that I've seen have come from family members who care for a dying loved one. Their hesed humbles me as they go above and beyond, tending to not only the emotional but also the physical needs of their parent or spouse.
In my home, I watched my wife, Katie, care for her mom, Judi, in her last days. As Judi's body lost function, Katie's became stronger in her care. Although it certainly took a toll on Katie, she managed to carry on through the ordeal with grace and compassion. Judi received this gift and was able to rest knowing that she was deeply loved. That is how hesed works.
That is also why hesed deserves a place at the heart of your and my thinking about God. When we allow hesed to displace thoughts of wrath and judgment, a new space of possibilities opens in our spirit. God's steadfast love, mercy, goodness, and loving kindness push fear, despair, insecurity, and anxiety to the side. This movement, and the space it creates, comes as the graceful acts of a Spirit that walks with us down paths as yet untrodden, through perils and possibilities unknown.
A Note to My Son:
Dear Noah,
How's your hesed doing today? I know that you are probably rolling your eyes at this moment. Stop. I'm serious. How are your compassion, grace, kindness, and mercy holding up?
Pretty soon, you will be taking your first round of exams. There is judgment whenever tests enter the picture. You study. You try your hardest. And you get graded. Depending on the grade, it can be either a triumphant or defeating experience. You will soar or feel like you have crashed.
Back to hesed—God's unlimited mercy, grace, love, and goodness for you. Nurture this truth in your heart so that no matter what the test result may be, you know that you remain a priceless Child of God. Hesed will help lift you up on those bad days and give you the courage to carry on. Hesed will also keep you humble when you ace things and make you available to those who need your help. Thus, whether you are up or down, you remain kind, compassionate, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love—just like your God.
Love you, always,
Dad.
Permission granted to share today's content with family and friends. Copyrighted 2018. Walt Lichtenberger
See below for details on how to purchase Lighting Your Way, With Love
When teenagers leave home, it is a time of adjustment for the whole family. Lighting Your Way, With Love helps young and old find the wisdom, courage, and faith to face what lies ahead. Walt writes from the dual-perspective of a father whose son is going off to university and a seasoned pastor who has walked with others during times of transition.
paperback: 243 pages
For those who wish to order by check payment (click here)
Want more information or to check out current promotions (click here)
BONUS - All purchases from this website include a free subscription to the online version of this material (a $9.99 value for free!). This allows you to read Lighting Your Way, With Love as a daily devotional as an email is sent to your inbox each morning in time for your morning coffee.